The Most Random Dream I’ve Ever Had

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After getting a lot of sleep after my first day off from work in three days, I woke up today and saw my phone had a few messages. One of them is from a friend of mine who sent me a Snapchat telling me they had a really weird dream. They couldn’t remember anything about it, but it got me thinking of the most bizarre dream I’ve ever had, which happened a few months ago.

For those who know me pretty well, I easily forget things. This dream was so out of this world, I immediately wrote down everything that transpired in the dream on my phone so I wouldn’t forget it. I haven’t shared it… until now.

After a bit of editing, since I originally wrote this a few months ago just after waking up, below is what I wrote in my phone, with all of the events that occurred in my dream.

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It started off with me protecting Rachel from Friends from her ex-boyfriend. After me and someone else spent much time kicking his ass (and thank God he was no fighter because he was seemingly indestructible), we decided to take a nap… and, for some reason, keep the ex there with us to let him sleep for recovery. Well, the boyfriend ended up not only stealing my car, but he stole my recently purchased Apple Airport. This involved me traveling in time to get it back, but, as I find out later, I ended up in 2012 (because everything for some reason took place in 2008).

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Opie (left) and Jax (right).

I ended up joining the Sons of Anarchy as part of my mission for some reason. Jax and Opie, two characters from the show Sons of Anarchy, were there, but Opie was only there for a few seconds. He somehow magically disappeared later. Anyway, another unknown SOA member took his place, and they were hunting down for somebody who dressed like Jesus. They did a drive by on him at my elementary school because he was there for whatever reason. No kids were killed, but they shot the Jesus guy to shreds in front of everyone (this was all going on while I was in a stolen cop car while parents were picking up their children by the way), scarring them all for life. After we got away, we see some chick in a mini skirt walking not even a tenth of a mile away from the school. It turned out the be the porn star chick who always gets beat up seemingly all the time on Sons of Anarchy. I somehow knew that she used to hook up with Rachel’s ex, and she knew his location: A hospital.

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Chibs from Sons of Anarchy.

When I arrived at the hospital, I met Chibs, another member of the SOA, who in this universe, ditched the Sons of Anarchy and somehow knew I travelled through time. He also started up his own section in the hospital where they focus on people with unique viruses. After showing me this section of the hospital, instead of telling me where the ex was, a zombie outbreak started in the main contamination room. When that starts, Chibs makes me go into this enormous cave-like room were hundreds of soldiers with armor that looks similar to the Warhammer games (I’ve only played one of the games one time… in a demo… a few years ago) are in a room. These were people who were supposedly trained and ready for any situation like this, and why was I recruited all of a sudden? I don’t know. I’m recruited to fight the zombies and wear a red color of the armor, which I didn’t know if that meant anything rank wise.

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What the bug creatures looked like.

After fighting through the hordes of the undead, many of which could spit out these nearly indestructible bug/parasitic creatures, I reach a point where this guy had thrown a grenade that exploded and put anything in its radius into their own cobweb trap, basically being surrounded by spider webs and unable to move; kind of like when Frodo got captured by the giant spider Shelob from Lord of the Rings. After getting back into a position with a black-armored squad, all of who were watching one of the bugs dance to show tunes, I noticed something moving among the smoke and spiderwebs, and alerted everyone watching the dancing bug. It was the biggest enemy we were faced with yet: A giant parasitic bug… being carried by Ewoks with big puppy eyes. All of the women in the black-armored squad lowered their weapons and said “AAAAAWWWW,” but when that happened, the Ewoks went rabid and jumped on the women’s faces and started mauling them. I started firing my gun and retreated while laughing my ass off, but instead of my usual laugh, I’m scream laughing like my cousins.

And from there I wake up… Most, random, dream, ever…

I would like to point out that during this time, I actually had bought an Apple Airport, was watching both Friends and Sons of Anarchy on Netflix, and playing two video games called Metro: 2033 and Metro: Last Light. Both games have bug creatures mutated from nuclear radiation in a post-apocalyptic downtown Moscow, with much of the game taking place in the underground metro stations. I’m sure none of these things have anything to do with the dream though.

By the way, they all totally had something to do with the dream.


Robbie Key is the chief warden of robbiekeyv.wordpress.com. He is also the Nintendo editor for Analog Addiction, makes occasional videos for his YouTube channel, and if you happen to stumble upon this page and are looking for new media members, check out my LinkedIn profile.

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